qft (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} qft) wrote,@ 2005-12-15 00:32:00 |
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Learn more about your friendly PC Technicians: Lesson One
Figure 1
Lesson one: tools of the trade
This inconspicuous looking book should extract at least a guffaw from you for obvious reasons. One little-known fact is that this is actually an invaluable tool for your average PC technician, but not in the way you might expect.
It is well known that PC technicians can be a stressed bunch from time to time. Disgruntled geeks are a dangerous thing, and the government knows this. The government also knows that stupid people are dangerous as well. This is why they secretly allow each PC technician in the country to kill one person per year. This has the dual effect of both alleviating stress from the technician, and preventing the thickest of idiots from depriving the rest of us of just that much more sweet, sweet oxygen.
Seeing as how they only get to kill one person per year, each technician will need to come up with a foolproof weeding process to ensure that they do away with the most idiotic fucktard in their region as to provide maximum stress relief. One day, a particularly clever geek came up with the brilliant idea of placing this book (Fig. 1) on the shelves for purchase. This technique has since been employed in many computer stores across the nation. Only the most oblivious of assclowns will purchase a book that simplifies something as mind-numbingly simple as AOL, a program successfully used by 113-year-old Alzheimer-inflicted grandmothers, Bubbles the chimp and Kato Kalin.
By selecting such a moronic publication for purchase, the subject has unwittingly selected themselves for a Random Act of Darwinism. Oblivious to the warning signs, the customer will follow the technician that beckons him to the back Build Room before being bludgeoned to death by the book they have just paid 29.95 for (before tax). Thus, by utilizing this tool, the proverbial chlorine has been administered to the most shallow end of the gene pool and the technician returns to work revitalized and refreshed by the blood of his enemies, and places the book back in its spot on the shelf after cleaning off stray brain matter from its encrusted cover.
Figure 1
Lesson one: tools of the trade
This inconspicuous looking book should extract at least a guffaw from you for obvious reasons. One little-known fact is that this is actually an invaluable tool for your average PC technician, but not in the way you might expect.
It is well known that PC technicians can be a stressed bunch from time to time. Disgruntled geeks are a dangerous thing, and the government knows this. The government also knows that stupid people are dangerous as well. This is why they secretly allow each PC technician in the country to kill one person per year. This has the dual effect of both alleviating stress from the technician, and preventing the thickest of idiots from depriving the rest of us of just that much more sweet, sweet oxygen.
Seeing as how they only get to kill one person per year, each technician will need to come up with a foolproof weeding process to ensure that they do away with the most idiotic fucktard in their region as to provide maximum stress relief. One day, a particularly clever geek came up with the brilliant idea of placing this book (Fig. 1) on the shelves for purchase. This technique has since been employed in many computer stores across the nation. Only the most oblivious of assclowns will purchase a book that simplifies something as mind-numbingly simple as AOL, a program successfully used by 113-year-old Alzheimer-inflicted grandmothers, Bubbles the chimp and Kato Kalin.
By selecting such a moronic publication for purchase, the subject has unwittingly selected themselves for a Random Act of Darwinism. Oblivious to the warning signs, the customer will follow the technician that beckons him to the back Build Room before being bludgeoned to death by the book they have just paid 29.95 for (before tax). Thus, by utilizing this tool, the proverbial chlorine has been administered to the most shallow end of the gene pool and the technician returns to work revitalized and refreshed by the blood of his enemies, and places the book back in its spot on the shelf after cleaning off stray brain matter from its encrusted cover.
