qft (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} qft) wrote,@ 2005-11-11 01:21:00 |
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The semi-contemplative entry
Lindsey was always a hottie. But despite the fact that we virtually grew up together (3 houses apart) and went to school together, I never really got to know her. Somewhere between her blowing up my G.I. Joes as a kid and me realizing "Damn, she's a hottie and I never got to know her" in high school there is a huge chasm in which nothing ever happened between us, and we never even talked. By the time high school rolled around I was the tiny 5'1" fresh meat kid, and she was rolling in a social circle far, far above my head. After graduation she moved away to go off to college in The Land of Far, Far Away and I never saw her again.
Well, until tonight. I was at a geek party (the best kind, because geeks who know exactly what they are and are the truest people you will ever meet) and she walked in the door looking every bit as good as she did back then. She'd moved back to Tallahassee to come to grad school. Even better, she was interesting to talk to and seemed a genuinely nice and down-to-earth person. Such a combination is rare, and I was glad to see her again... and I'd be retarded not to try to keep in touch better this time.
Good news: I finally got Lindsey phone number!
Bad news: she's a lesbian now. (found that out later in the evening)
Damn! Oh well. I'd still like to hang out with her... she seemed genuinely interesting and it's not like I was only interested in how she looks.
It got me thinking though... everywhere I go in Tallahassee I recognize at least one person. Some people might find it comforting; I find it disconcerting. I've been here too long. Tallahassee is a giant comfort zone for me since it's my home and has been forever, but it makes me wonder what it means for me as a person if I make all these connections with people and never talk to them again until I randomly run into them years later.
I'm not a huge man about town or whatever, but I do know a fair amount of people. I go to parties sometimes and meet more people. I go play paintball and meet more people. I like people, people are friendly and I enjoy meeting them and getting to know them. But it's starting to become a problem because I can't possibly keep up with all of them.
I create a strong distinction in my mind between true friends and buddies. Buddies are the guys you hang out with on a semi-weekly basis. You enjoy similar activities and generally get along well, if only for the fact that you have something in common. There's a lot I would do for my buddies and there's a lot they would do for me. But I still carve a difference in my mind between what they mean to me and what a true friend is.
True friends are something that are difficult to come across. I think I've got about two of them. There are definitely people in my life that bridge the gap between buddies and true friends, but getting to the "true friend" state is a long process that takes years. I "let people in" very easily but don't often get truly close.
What ends up happening is that I meet people that I find interesting, and I want to hang out with them more. They end up becoming buddies of mine. I keep meeting people and eventually I spread myself too thin. I lose track of many, many people simply because there just isn't enough time for me to hang out with everyone. It's not always because I don't like them (although I don't make a habit of hanging out with people I don't like), I just don't have the time. I end up with a billion buddies who I never talk to, which either makes me extremely well-known or just a douchebag who collects friends for the fun of it.
So I either lose touch with people, or they assume I was putting on false pretenses when I seemed interested in them, or both. What do most people do in a situation like this? Just choose to meet less people? It's not like I always commit to seeing people again after I meet them... but you meet someone at a party and you don't see them again for three months... things get assumed, as in "oh, so you were just acting nice."
No, not at all. So I apologize if you get that impression. But when it gets to the point where I can literally not go to a restaurant and eat a meal without recognizing someone in the same room, I cannot possibly keep up with everyone. Does that make me a bad person? A phony who treats friends like trinkets to collect? I don't think so, I just like to socialize with new people sometimes. But I wonder how many people think I'm treating them that way. I know a few do.
Lindsey was always a hottie. But despite the fact that we virtually grew up together (3 houses apart) and went to school together, I never really got to know her. Somewhere between her blowing up my G.I. Joes as a kid and me realizing "Damn, she's a hottie and I never got to know her" in high school there is a huge chasm in which nothing ever happened between us, and we never even talked. By the time high school rolled around I was the tiny 5'1" fresh meat kid, and she was rolling in a social circle far, far above my head. After graduation she moved away to go off to college in The Land of Far, Far Away and I never saw her again.
Well, until tonight. I was at a geek party (the best kind, because geeks who know exactly what they are and are the truest people you will ever meet) and she walked in the door looking every bit as good as she did back then. She'd moved back to Tallahassee to come to grad school. Even better, she was interesting to talk to and seemed a genuinely nice and down-to-earth person. Such a combination is rare, and I was glad to see her again... and I'd be retarded not to try to keep in touch better this time.
Good news: I finally got Lindsey phone number!
Bad news: she's a lesbian now. (found that out later in the evening)
Damn! Oh well. I'd still like to hang out with her... she seemed genuinely interesting and it's not like I was only interested in how she looks.
It got me thinking though... everywhere I go in Tallahassee I recognize at least one person. Some people might find it comforting; I find it disconcerting. I've been here too long. Tallahassee is a giant comfort zone for me since it's my home and has been forever, but it makes me wonder what it means for me as a person if I make all these connections with people and never talk to them again until I randomly run into them years later.
I'm not a huge man about town or whatever, but I do know a fair amount of people. I go to parties sometimes and meet more people. I go play paintball and meet more people. I like people, people are friendly and I enjoy meeting them and getting to know them. But it's starting to become a problem because I can't possibly keep up with all of them.
I create a strong distinction in my mind between true friends and buddies. Buddies are the guys you hang out with on a semi-weekly basis. You enjoy similar activities and generally get along well, if only for the fact that you have something in common. There's a lot I would do for my buddies and there's a lot they would do for me. But I still carve a difference in my mind between what they mean to me and what a true friend is.
True friends are something that are difficult to come across. I think I've got about two of them. There are definitely people in my life that bridge the gap between buddies and true friends, but getting to the "true friend" state is a long process that takes years. I "let people in" very easily but don't often get truly close.
What ends up happening is that I meet people that I find interesting, and I want to hang out with them more. They end up becoming buddies of mine. I keep meeting people and eventually I spread myself too thin. I lose track of many, many people simply because there just isn't enough time for me to hang out with everyone. It's not always because I don't like them (although I don't make a habit of hanging out with people I don't like), I just don't have the time. I end up with a billion buddies who I never talk to, which either makes me extremely well-known or just a douchebag who collects friends for the fun of it.
So I either lose touch with people, or they assume I was putting on false pretenses when I seemed interested in them, or both. What do most people do in a situation like this? Just choose to meet less people? It's not like I always commit to seeing people again after I meet them... but you meet someone at a party and you don't see them again for three months... things get assumed, as in "oh, so you were just acting nice."
No, not at all. So I apologize if you get that impression. But when it gets to the point where I can literally not go to a restaurant and eat a meal without recognizing someone in the same room, I cannot possibly keep up with everyone. Does that make me a bad person? A phony who treats friends like trinkets to collect? I don't think so, I just like to socialize with new people sometimes. But I wonder how many people think I'm treating them that way. I know a few do.
